July 31st, 2008
From an autografitti post… November 6, 2008.
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Hi peeps!
Hope you’re all doing fine!
In lieu of writing a clear presentation of what has been preoccupying my mind these days, I will be starting a series of rambling thoughts on certain topics (love, egoism, nietzsche, buddhism, christianity, power, passion, compassion, etc.) that have held me captive for sometime.
The stimulus, of course, is Buddhism and the Vipassana meditation course I just took.
My interest in Eastern religions and mysticism probably arose when, as a college seminarian, I took this course in Indian philosophy. I was simply fascinated by the stories, the immensity of it all, and the apparent contradictions contained within a philosophical system. I practically remembered almost without effort most of what we were taught in that particular subject. (Mostly basic concepts like “atman,” “brahman,” “maya,” etc.)
My teacher (Fr. Bien Dulfo, CM) also had this book on comparative religion that he sometimes left near his seat in the chapel. Curiosity got the better of me and I started reading it when (I think) I should be meditating… hehehe.
But I was still a staunch Catholic seminarian then. And didn’t think much about my fascination with Eastern thought then.
Also, in college, my explorations in philosophy led me to examine our understanding of love. Why love? Well, aside from the thought that I was romantically in love then (Maybe I was…), I was trying to understand my faith as a Christian (if Christianity was to be understood as a religion of love).
What is this thing called love? What are its different forms? What is its essence in all its various forms/manifestations?
On a personal note: I’ve always seen myself as a basically selfish (egoistic/egotistic) person. Of course, when I was young, I thought I was the protagonist, not simply of my life, but of Life, and everyone else is a supporting character. (It was really a revelation for me to find out that the world did not revolve around me.) Naturally, the path to conversion is towards dissolving that ego. If loving means forgetting oneself, denying oneself (and I am basically selfish), then will it ever be possible for me to love? Or if it’s impossible to completely forget oneself, is love then merely a “delusion,” perhaps a pious illusion?
In college, I also had this important conversation with my mother. She said if one has been gifted with a “big mind,” one should strive to develop a “bigger heart.” And Paul’s letter to the Corinthians (which, to me, always mixes with Macbeth’s “Tomorrow” monologue) come to mind: I may perform great things, but if I do not have love, I am just a clanging cymbal… “full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.”
My explorations in love eventually led me to Nietzsche (and then to Buddhism). I am now interested in examining the possibility of a Nietzschean Buddhism…
best regards,
ian