Jokes for philosophers:
1. Philosophaster: Who’s the most punctual philosopher?
Philosopher: Immanuel Kant.
Philosophaster: And why?
Philosopher: It is said that Immanuel Kant used to take his daily walk in the afternoon in Konigsberg with such regularity and punctuality. It soon came to a point that his townmates knew what time it was when they saw Kant walking.
Philosophaster: Nope.
Philosopher: Who then?
Philosophaster: Martin Heidegger.
Philosopher: Really? And why?
Philosophaster: Because he wrote a book entitled “Being On Time.”
Note: “Sein und Zeit” (“Being and Time”), written by Martin Heidegger, cited by existentialists like Jean-Paul Sartre as a seminal work. Heidegger, however, refused the tag “existentialist” as if it were “The Plague.” He was probably thinking: “Camu/s na lang. Wag n’yo na akong idamay.”
2. Graffiti:
a. “God is dead! – Nietzsche”
“Nietzsche is dead! – God”
b. “Kilroy was here!”
“So was God… way, way, way before you!”
c. “And God said to Nietzsche:
That’ll tietzsche,
You little crietzsche.”
3. Philosophaster: Sinong Chinese philosopher ang pinakawalang-diyos?
(Who is the most atheistic Chinese philosopher?)
Philosopher: Si Kung Fu Tze (Confucius)?
Philosophaster: Eng.
Philosopher: Si Meng Tze (Mencius)?
Philosophaster: Engg.
Philosopher: Si Lao Tze (Laotius)?
Philosophaster: Enggg.
Philosopher: Si…rit na. (I give up.)
Philosophaster: Si Ni Tze. (Nietzschius?)
4. A student complaining after a class in philosophy: “Ewan ko ba ke sir, ang hirap-hirap na ngang intindihin “what Kant thought,” tapos “secand thought” pa siya ng “secand thought…”
5. A dyslexic agnostic insomniac is kept awake in the night wondering whether there is a dog.
6. Philosophaster: Who is U’s favorite philosopher?
Philosopher: Richard Rorty?
Philosophaster: Nope.
Philosopher: Give me a hint.
Philosophaster: His name is the accusative of U’s.
Philosopher: I give up.
Philosophaster: David.
Philosopher: David who?
Philosophaster: Nope. David Hume.
Memorable scenes from movies:
* A blonde sidekick of Lex Luthor who we think of, naturally, as dumb, is shown reading Kant’s “Critique of Pure Reason” and hides it as soon as Luthor arrives. (from one of the Superman movies)
* The character of Roberto Benigni waves his hand like a hypnotist while muttering “Schopenhauer” repeatedly like a mantra to catch the attention of his ladylove. (from “Life is Beautiful”)
* Kevin Kline’s character quizzes another character about Nietzsche and eats the latter’s pet fish one by one when fails to answer. (from “A Fish Called Wanda”)
Enjoy,
Metaphysic-ian
Tags: Agnosticism, Existentialism, God, Heidegger, Hume, Jokes, Kant, Life, Movies, Nietzsche, Philosophy, Rorty, Schopenhauer, spirituality, Superman